I like the way Amazon thinks.
All That Stuff
The big problem with your typical Top Ramen, Nongshim or Maruchan products is that even the ones that aren’t nominally meat-flavored always contain ingredients like beef fat or chicken stock. So imagine my happiness at finding (at the grocery store at Mekong Plaza in Mesa) a bunch of different varieties of imported instant noodles with no animal products whatsoever (as far as I could reliably discern, at least). Just lots of weird chemicals and MSG.
Delicious Ginger Siamese twins!
The year is 1995 and you’re Coolio, fresh off the massive worldwide success of “Fantastic Voyage.” Wanting to prove to the world that you have much more to offer, you release a single somewhat transparently titled “1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin’ New).” And then you fill it with — multiple references to “Fantastic Voyage”? That’s nearly as short-sighted as Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock’s 1989 track “It Really Does Take Two, Seriously, We Checked.”
And then there’s this.
Coupling
Matt: I have a great name for you two
Matt: as a couple
Matt: wanna hear it?
Albert: yes
Matt: Hepatitis ABC
Matt: or just Hep ABC
Albert: *Hepp
Matt: I know that
Matt: Come on it’s better than Brangelina.
No more shall we cart
So we’ve all seen those “Don’t steal these carts! Electrical sensors will stop them from moving if taken out of the parking lot!” signs at grocery stores and shopping centers, right? Seemed like there was no way America’s imagineers would develop unstealable shopping carts before curing cancer or inventing hoverboards. Had to be just a deterrent, right?
Wrong. Bitterly, terribly wrong.
Hats and glasses
Disneyland ride tally:
Star Tours
Captain EO
Space Mountain
Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters
Autopia
Haunted Mansion
Pirates of the Caribbean
Splash Mountain
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
Mad Tea Party
“it’s a small world”
Gadget’s Go Coaster
Indiana Jones Adventure
We almost experienced Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, but bailed during the pre-show film. Probably the second most disappointing thing to happen to Abraham Lincoln (first was being assassinated).
Poop dreams
7:25 PM
Kyle: i dont have any way to really hurt joy right now
Kyle: SHE IS WINNING BY 28 POINTS
Kyle: and im constiated
7:38 PM
Kyle: CONSTIPATED
7:49 PM
Kyle: WHO IS GOING TO UNPLUG MY BUTT
Albert: I’LL BE RIGHT OVER
Albert: I’M TAKING THE METROLINK
Albert: WITH MY BUTT UNPLUGGER
8:03 PM
Kyle: albert
Kyle: quick
8:20 PM
Albert: I just sat back down
8:24 PM
Kyle: missed it
Albert: I WAS GETTING MY LAUNDRY
8:53 PM
Kyle: GUESS WHAT
Albert: YOU POOPED
Kyle: I AM POOPING
Kyle: IT’S RATHER VIOLENT
Albert: PIX PLZ
8:59 PM
Kyle: no way
Kyle: it was too gross
Albert: I DIDN’T REALLY WANT A PIC
Albert: WTF
Kyle: WELL I ALMOST TOOK ONE
Albert: WTF
Albert: can I put the poop stuff up on Tumblr
Kyle: of course
Apt pupil
The Time Warner cable on-screen guide description of Evan Almighty:
“Divine comedy sequel to 2003’s “Bruce Almighty.” A hilarious Steve Carell reprises his role as newscaster (now Congressman) Evan Baxter, who’s summoned by God to build an ark. Is this film funny? Did it rain on Noah?”
When I paint my masterpiece
Noah
I need a little help moving something from the office to my apartment this week. If you have a truck and are interested in helping, please let me know!
6 hours ago
Robin
Please let me know how many people are interested in helping you do this interesting activity.
6 hours ago
Albert
Hmm, I’ve been thinking about checking out helping Noah move something from his office to his apartment, sounds like this might be my chance.
6 hours ago
Robin
I almost checked out helping Noah move a bunch of stuff from his crappy Mesa apartment to his awesome Phoenix condo during my vacation in Arizona last Christmas—but then I broke my arm. Dammit! Another opportunity missed!
6 hours ago
Albert
I’ve heard people say that helping Noah move is one of those things you have to experience live. The recorded stuff doesn’t do it justice.
6 hours ago
Noah
Assholes.
6 hours ago
